AMERICAN KAMIKAZE

NUKES IN THE NEWS
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NUKE EM.  NUKE EM NOW....THATS RIGHT.   WHAT`S GOING ON?  WE SPEND TRILLIONS AND TRILLIONS OF TAXPAYER DOLLARS ON NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY, WE PAY HARD EARNED TAXPAYER DOLLARS TO SCIENTISTS, AND NUCLEAR FISIONISTS[? is this a word], INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF TIME EFFORT AND MONEY GOES INTO NUCLEAR BOMB MAKING, AND WHAT HAVE WE GOT TO SHOW FOR IT?  NOTHING.  NOT EVEN A FIZZLE FOR OVER SIXTY FIVE YEARS NOW.  WHAT ARE WE SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY ON?    NO WONDER EVERYBODY HATES POLITICIONS.  COME ON, ALREADY..NUKE `EM.   NUKE `EM NOW..LETS GO ALREADY...WHAT DID WE BUILD THEM FOR??  A SIMPLE QUESTION.  WHY DID WE BUILD THEM? ..WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE PUT THEIR LIVES INTO THESE PROJECTS? DONT YOU THINK THEY WANT TO SEE THE FRUITS OF THEIR LABOR?   THESE ARE PROUD PEOPLE, WHO HAVE WORKED HARD AT THEIR CRAFT.  WHAT ABOUT THEM?  CAN WE ALL BE THAT HEARTLESS?    NUKE EM. NUKE EM NOW.  I DONT CARE WHO.......OKAY. LOOK. [ill try to remain calm]  MANY PEOPLE HAVE MADE MANY GREAT SACRIFICES IN ODRDER FOR OUR NUCLEAR PROJECTS TO GO FORWARD....PLEASE THINK OF POOR OLD MA AND POP KETTLE, WHO WENT WITHOUT HEAT, SO WE COULD AFFORD TO CONTINUE NUCLEAR TESTING. DO YOU WANT THAT KIND OF SACRIFICE TO GO FOR NOTHING?   OF COURSE NOT.   "NUKE EM.  NUKE EM NOW"  THAT`S WHAT MA AND PA KETTLE WOULD SAY, IF THEY COULD[unfortunatly they died of frostbite].  SO COME ON ALREADY. LET`S WIN ONE FOR THE KETTLES.  THE FORGOTTEN HEROES OF THE NUCLEAR AGE...AND ANOTHER THING.  LAY OFF OF KIM JONG IL FROM NORTH KOREA.  AT LEAST HE`S TRYING TO DO SOMETHING.  SO WHAT IF HIS ROCKETS DONT WORK AT ALL.  AT LEAST HE`S DOING SOMETHING. NOT LIKE THE REST OF THE WORLD....SO THE KAMIKAZE BESEECHES EVERYBODY, WHO WANTS TO SEE CHANGES MADE, TO CALL YOUR SENATORS AND CONGRESSMEN. TELL THEM WE`RE SICK AND TIRED  OF BUSINESS AS USUAL.  TELL THEM TO VOTE YES ON NUKE EM NOW LEGISLATION........american kamikaze.

. OTHER STRONG POINTS FOR IMMEADIATE NUCLEAR STRIKES ARE THE 'HUMAN SHIELDS'..PEROPLE WHO STAND AROUND A TARGET SITE TO PROTECT IT FROM A NUCLEAR STRIKE........HOW ARE WE GOING TO KNOW IF THEY WORK UNLESS WE TRY THEM OUT........SO WE DROP A NUKE ON THE TARGET, THEN SEE IF THE HUMAN SHIELDS WERE ABLE TO SAVE THE TARGET SITE.........RIGHT????......I`LL SAY , RIGHT NOW, THAT I PERSONALLY DO NOT THINK HUMAN SHIELDS WILL WORK......I THINK THEY WILL BE INCINERATED JUST AS MUCH AS THE NUKED AREA........BUT THAT`S NOT FOR ME TO SAY.........REMEMBER, PEOPLE LAUGHED AT COLOMBUS WHEN HE SAID THE WORLD WAS ROUND.........ALSO THESE HUMAN SHIELDS COME FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD......LET`S AT LEAST GIVE THEM THE CHANCE TO SEE IF THEY WORK OR NOT........ IF WE NUKE THE TARGET, AND THE HUMAN SHIELDS ARE ABLE TO SHIELD THE TARGET, JUST THINK OF HOW MUCH IN DEMAND THEY WOULD BE.....ESPECIALLY IN THIS DAY AND AGE........THEY COULD NAME THEIR OWN PRICE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.......AND ALL THEY`RE ASKING OF US IS A CHANCE..DONT YOU THINK THEY DESERVE IT?.....SO IMMEADIATE NUCLEAR STRIKES IS PRACTIALLY A NO BRAINER,...RIGHT?????.......IT`S TIME FOR THE PEOPLE TO RISE UP, AND "NUKE EM...NUKE EM NOW".....

.NEW STUFF BELOW..........................AMERICAN[kamikaze] BANDSTAND................THE TIME: 4:02 AM........THE PLACE: YOUR LIVING ROOM.....THE SUBJECT:....TELEVISION INFOMERCIAL..........................HELLO AGAIN
EVERYBODY........THIS IS SICK CLARK HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT A NEW MUSIC COLLECTION, OF OLD MUSIC, THAT`S JUST A MUST FOR US OLD TEENAGERS.......FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER RONCO, K-TEL PRODUCTIONS, AND  SY SPERLING BRING YOU........"MUSIC TO GET OFFENDED BY"........THAT`S RIGHT OLDIES FANS , ALL THE HITS ARE HERE....TO ME PERSONALLY, THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE MUST HAVE ALBUM............WHEN I HEAR THESE SONGS IT ALL COMES BACK TO ME JUST HOW OFFENDED I WAS.  AND THEY WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU......FROM  HARD ROCKING " BORN TO BE OFFENDED" TO THE SOUL SEARCHING "OFFENDED AT THE DOCK OF THE BAY"....BOY, THOSE LYRICS SURE RING TRUE, DON`T THEY?? "LOOKS LIKE NOTHIN`S GONNA CHANGE  .EVERYTHING STILL REMAINS THE SAME" ......BOY, THEY JUST DON`T WRITE EM LIKE THAT ANYMORE, DO THEY?.......ALSO INCLUDED IN THIS COLLECTION..."DO YOU REALLY WANT TO OFFEND ME?"...."SAVE THE LAST OFFENCE FOR ME,.....AND THE BRUTALLY FRANK  "YOU`RE OFFENDING SOMEONE NEW"........LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IF YOU WERE TO TRY TO BUY ALL THESE SONGS SEPERATELY, IT COULD COST THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS....AND WHY WASTE THE TIME, WHEN YOU CAN GET THEM RIGHT HERE FOR ONLY HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS.   AND THAT COMES OUT TO JUST A FEW PENNIES PER SONG.........WOW...SUPER SAVINGS, AND SURERIOR QUALITY.. HA HA HA HA HA HA.   ........SERIOUSLY FOLKS. YOU ALL KNOW THAT I REALLY DONT NEED THE MONEY I GET PAID FOR THIS COMMERCIAL......I`M HERE TONIGHT BECAUSE I`M ONE OF THE MANY FANS OF THIS MUSIC........REMEMBER HOW MANY OF US USED TO CONSIDER OURSELVES,  OFFENDEES....REMEMBER.HOW IT FELT IN THE DAYS WHEN OFFENDED WAS NEW?.......WE WERE YOUNG, ALIVE,..OFFENDED.....AHHHHHH GLORY DAYS. HA HA HA HA HA HA......AND NOW WE CAN RETURN TO THOSE DAYS THROUGH THIS MUSIC COLECTION..........HOW ABOUT THIS ONE...:"I WOKE UP OFFENDED THIS MORNING..WENT TO SLEEP WITH YOU ON MY MIND".....AND WHO COULD FORGET...."O-F-F-E-N-D-E-D [in the summertime]"....AND THE ALWAYS POPULAR   '"OFFENDED AGAIN   [naturally].....].....BOY.....THAT`S WHEN MUSIC WAS REALLY MUSIC, HUH PEOPLE?........FOR MANY OF US, OFFENDED WASN`T JUST THE MUSIC....IT WAS A WAY OF LIFE...........AND NOW YOU CAN RELIVE THOSE DAYS,,,,,,,,,,,WHAT SONG WAS PLAYING WHEN YOU FIRST GOT OFFENDED?....I`LL BET YOU REMEMBER....HA HA HA HA HA HA ....I SURE REMEMBER..............COME ON NOW, AND SING ALONG WITH BARRY MAGUIRES "EVE OF OFFENDED".  COME ON , EVERYBODY..."THE EASTERN WORLD. IT IS OFFENDED"...... AHHH  .   COME ON, YOU`RE NOT ALL SINGING....HA HA HA HA HA HA . WHAT`S THE MATTER? ARE YOU SLEEPY?....I KNOW THAT THIS COMMERCIAL WILL NOT BE RUNNING IN PRIME TIME, EXACTLY,  BUT YOU`RE NEVER TOO SLEEPY TO BE OFFENDED, ARE YOU???? WELL, ARE YOU???    HOW ABOUT " WILL YOU STILL  OFFEND ME, TOMORROW?".....AND THE GARAGE ROCK CLASSIC   "OFFENDED THING"......I` LL BET THOSE HITS WILL WAKE YOU UP....HA HA HA HA HA HA .....AND THE BEST PART OF THIS, PEOPLE, IS THAT THIS MUSIC COLLECTION IS NOT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.....IN FACT, IT`S BARELY HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS.......WOW...LOOK AT THE MONEY YOU`RE SAVING, ALREADY.....HA HA HA HA HA .......SAVING MONEY. PLUS ALL THIS MUSIC......WOW.....GET YOUR CREDIT CARDS READY......BUT WAIT.......IF YOU ORDER WITHIN THE NEXT MONTH, YOU WILL RECEIVE A SPECIAL SURPRISE BONUS. .....THIS BONUS IS SO SPECIAL, THAT I`M NOT EVEN GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT IT IS................HA HA HA HA HA I AM GOING TO GUARANTEE YOU, THOUGH. YOU WILL BE SURPRISED................WE HAVE AN OPERATOR STANDING BY, TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY.......SO CALL 111 222 3434 [my house. i didn`t read the whole contract. i should have.}.   ....THATS 111 222 3434.....IN CASE YOU PREFER NUMBERS  111 222 3434.............ONE MORE TIME  111 222 3434......FOR OUR SPANISH SPEAKING VIEWERS   111 222 3434...........CALL NOW.....................@@@@@@@@  american kamikaze     helping the offended do what they do best    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

       
       
 

BARON  KAMIKAZE  VON  MUNCHAUSEN ........[adventure 1520]....     THERE I WAS, RIDING IN MY CAMPER, WAY UP IN A REMOTE MOUNTANIOUS AREA [i cant remember the state, but it was out west, and had alot of mountains, and trees, and stuff,  if that helps at all]........SO ANYWAY, AFTER I HAD BEEN DRIVING FOR OVER THREE HOURS, WITHOUT EVEN SEEING ANOTHER CAR,  I DECIDED TO SEEK SOME SOLITUDE, AND I TURNED DOWN THIS VERY NORROW BACKROAD.... THE ROAD WAS SO NARROW THAT I REALIZED I WOULDN`T BE ABLE TO TURN MY CAMPER AROUND....SO I FIGURED I WOULD GO UP THE ROAD A WAYS,  SPEND THE NIGHT, BOND WITH NATURE, THEN BACK OUT IN THE MORNING.......SO EVERYTHING WAS NICE....AND I SLEPT SOUNDLY............BUT EARLY THE NEXT MORNING, I`M WOKEN, BY THE AWFUL NOISE OF MOTORCYCLES, AND VOICES JUST OUTSIDE MY CAMPER........SO I GET UP AND POKE MY HEAD OUT THE DOOR...........IT`S A BUNCH OF HELLS ANGELS TYPE CHARACTERS, ON MOTORCYCLES, MAKING ALOT OF RACKET.......NOT ONLY THAT BUT THEY`RE THE UGLIEST, NASTYIST, AND SMELLEYIST LOOKING BUNCH I`VE EVER SEEN.......INCLUDING THE ANGELETTES, THERE WERE ABOUT FIFTY OF THEM......MANY OF THEM HAD SWASTIKAS, AND NAZI STUFF, AND SKULLS AND CROSSBONES, AND SUCH........ANYWAY TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT,  THE STORY WAS THAT THE MOST BELOVED MEMBER OF THE GANG, THE FOUNDING MEMBER, HAD DIED RECENTLY, AND THEY HAD HIS CASKET IN A PICKUP TRUCK, AND THEY WERE TAKING HIM TO BE BURIED......BUT ONLY ONE VEHICLE  CAN OCCUPY THIS NARROW ROAD, AT A TIME....AND ALL AROUND, OFF THE ROAD WAS BUMPY, WET, SWAMPLIKE AREA........SO THE SITUATION IS, THAT THEY WANT ME TO BACK OUT OF THE NARROW ROAD, SO THEY CAN GO TO THE CHURCH SERVICE, AND BURIAL................NOW I`M  AS RESPECTING, AND CONSIDERATE, AND SENSITIVE AS THE NEXT GUY, BUT  I  GOT A PROBLEM HERE...........YOU SEE.  I CONSIDER 10 HOURS OF SLEEP TO BE MY NORMAL SITUATION......ANY SLEEP I GET PAST THAT, I CONSIDER MY BEAUTY REST.......NOW THESE PEOPLE ARE ANNOYING ME DURING MY BEAUTY REST.......SO EVEN THOUGH I FELT A LITTLE GUILTY,  I FINALLY TOLD THEM, I CAN`T HELP YOU OUT.......SO ANYWAY, AS THEY`RE TRYING TO NAVIGATE THE PICKUP TRUCK AROUND ME, AND OVER THE BUMPY SWAMPY AREA, THE TRUCK HITS A BIG BUMP, AND THE COFFIN BOUNCES OFF THE TRUCK,  POPS OPEN, AND THE STIFF TUMBLES OUT,  INTO ABOUT TWO FEET OF MUD..............NOW, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A POSITION, A SITUATION, WHEN YOU DIDN`T WANT TO LAUGH, BUT YOU JUST COULDN`T HELP IT?........I TRIED TO HOLD IT IN, BUT I COULDN`T...IT WAS HYSTERICAL.......I MEAN, PICTURE THIS.  THE STIFF WAS FLOATING DOWN THIS VALLEY OF MUD, AND THESE HELLS ANGELS CHARACTERS, ARE SLIPPING, AND FALLING ALL OVER THE PLACE, TRYING TO GET THE BODY BACK IN THE CASKET, THEN THE CASKET BACK ON THE TRUCK.....IT WAS A RIOT.........I KNOW IT`S TERRIBLE, BUT THATS THE MOST I EVER LAUGHED............SO ANYWAY AFTER AWHILE I WENT BACK INTO MY CAMPER, AND MADE SOME COFFEE...... NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK??   THEY`RE KNOCKING ON MY DOOR.  THEY WANT A TOWEL, TO CLEAN UP THE STIFF , FOR THE SERVICE......NOW I`M REALLY STARTING TO GET ANNOYED.  I`M HERE TO RELAX, A LITTLE, YOU KNOW??...I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, BOTHER ME ALL DAY LONG???   COME ON ALREADY... FINALLY, I JUST DIDN`T PAY ATTENTION TO THEM ANYMORE.........YOU KNOW??? I DON`T LIKE TO BE THAT WAY, BUT COME ONE NOW...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.............WHAT DO YOU THINK, I`M MADE OF PATIENCE???.........................[be sure to tune in for baron kamikaze von munchausen adventure 2048.  " on mars"].

   

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AMERICAN KAMIKAZE     THE AK 47 OF FREE SPEECH