MOVIE REVIEW ..GOODNIGHT AND GOOD LUCK

HELLO EVERYBODY, AND WELCOME TO THE JESSE JACKSON - NAACP OFFEND OFF FINALS WEEKEND. MY NAME IS KRONIK WHINER, AND WE`RE HERE AT THE PROUD STADIUM COMPLEX FOR TOMORROWS FINALS. THE MOST OFFENDED PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE HERE TO COMPETE, AND IN JUST A MINUTE WE`LL BE TALKING TO SOME OF THE BIGGEST NAMES IN THE BUSINESS. THE BIG NEWS, THE PLANNING COMMISHIONERS HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT WHITE PEOPLE WILL NOT BE PERMITTED TO COMPETE, THAT IS OFFICIAL NOW. PUTTING AN END TO THE DEBATE, AND HOPEFULLY THE VIOLENT PROTESTS. I`M STANDING IN THE BOO - HOO BALLROOM, HERE AT THE COMPLEX NOW AND I`M GOING TO WALK ACROSS THE FLOOR HERE AND TALK TO A REAL UP AND COMER TO THE OFFENDED GAME, SPAINS, RONTORO RONTORO RONTORO HOW ARE YOU TODAY 3R? "I DON`T FEEL TOO BAD NOW, KRONIK, BUT YOU CAN BET I`LL BE AT MY BEST OFFENDED TOMORROW " WHAT DO YOU THINK 3R, ABOUT PEOPLE SAYING THAT THE AMERICAN BLACK HAS A NATURAL ADVANTAGE ? "OH, ABSOLUTELY, KRONIK, OFFENDED AMERICAN BLACK MEN HAVE THE TWITCH. YOU CAN`T BEAT THAT. TO BE ABLE TO BE OFFENDED, WHEN NOTHING IS OFFENSIVE .I WOULD PAY FOR THE TWICH, AND IN AMERICA PARTS OF SOME MINORITIES TRAIN THEIR CHILDREN FROM BIRTH TO BE OFFENDED. THEY TELL KIDS, STAY OFFENDED, STAY SUPER SENSITIVE, STAY SUPER OFFENDED, EVEN IF YOU LOSE RESPECT, KEEP GETTING OFFENDED.HOW DO YOU TOP THAT. NO WHERE ELSE ON EARTH DO PEOPLE TEACH KIDS LIKE THAT. YOU CAN`T BEAT THAT DEDICATION." THANK YOU VERY MUCH, RONTERO. AND I AM GOING TO MOVE OVER HERE TO TALK TO ONE OF THIS GAMES SUPER ICONS, JULIAN BOND. HI JULIAN, HOW` RE YOU FEELING ? " HOW DO I ALWAYS FEEL. I GOT A TOOTHACHE TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY AND YOU ASK ME HOW I FEEL. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, THAT`S HOW I FEEL." THANK YOU VERY MUCH MR. BOND. THE REAL THING DOSN`T START TILL TOMMORROW FOLKS, BUT BOND HAS HIS GAME FACE ON NOW. HE`S RARIN TO GO. AND WAIT A MINUTE, I THINK THERE`S SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT COMING THROUGH...I....UHH......WHAT?.....OH NO OH NO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN NEW YORK CITY COUNCILMAN CHARLES BARRON HAS BEEN DISQUALIFIED........ OH NO............... CORRESPONDANT KENT HACKETT IS GOING TO JOIN US AND FILL US IN ON THE DETAILS ARE YOU THERE KENT? " HI KRONIK. IT`S TRUE SUPER FAVORITE CHARLES BARRON HAS BEEN DISQUALIFIED. IT APPEARS THAT BARRON HAD A PICTURE OF THE BOARD GAME GHETOPOLY TATOOED ON HIS WRIST, SORT OF LIKE A CHEAT SHEET, SO HE COULD LOOK AT IT WHEN HE NEEDED TO." THAT`S A REAL SHAME KENT, AND YOU HAVE TO WONDER. BARRON IS THE MAN TO BEAT HERE, AND THIS HAPPENS. " YOU KNOW AND I KNOW BARRONS, A COMPETITOR, BUT WHAT`S SO ODD ABOUT THIS KRON, IS THAT HE HAD THE TATOO PUT ON AFTER THE FRIDAY WEIGH - IN AND URINE TESTS, OTHERWISE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LEGAL" AMAZING, KENT . JUST AMAZING. "YEA KRON, AND I WAS TALKING TO SOME OF THE OTHER PLAYERS, ABOUT IT. THEY WERE ALL SORRY TO SEE THIS HAPPEN, BUT I`LL BET YOU THIS, BUDDY, EVERY ONE OF THEM WILL SLEEP A LITTLE BETTER TONIGHT, WITH BARRON OUT OF THE COMPETION." HOLY MACKERAL ANDY [oops, i almost forgot. it`s ebonics the black rac ists are pushing, amos and andy is still a no - no ] HOLY MACKERAL KENT, YOU`RE NOT GOING TO BELEIVE THIS,BUT WITH BARRON OUT OF THE ACTION, THE ODDS BOARD IS SPINNING LIKE A SLOT MACHINE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS I`VE BEEN AROUND OFFENDED PEOPLE AND THESE EVENTS FOR EVER, IT SEEMS, AND I`VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS. THE ODDS BOARD IS ACTUALLY SPINNING LIKE A SLOT MACHINE, ............AND HERE IT`S FINALLY BEGINNING TO SLOW DOWN. I`M NOT EVEN SURE IT IS SLOWING DOWN, IT MAY JUST BE BROKE. ........ .........[..be sure to tune in for the pulse pounding,,season ending episode, of the jesse jackson naacp offend off, pre game saturday show . check your local listings for times, and networks ######### AMERICAN KAMIKAZE############# ................ mr. sensitivity. you`re diversivied, multi cultural, tolerant, inclusive correspondent...

THE FOOD THE BAG AND THE UGLY.................A NEW TELEVISION SERIES ,FEATURING AL SHARPTON IS IN THE WORKS[really]. I, AS THE AMERICAN KAMIKAZE, HAVE ACESS TO THE SCRIPT. IT`S QUITE INTERESTING. THE WORKING TITLE FOR THE SHARPTON EPIC IS "THE FOOD THE BAG AND THE UGLY" IT`S A REMAKE OF THE 1967 SPAGHETTI WESTERN OF THE SAME NAME.... JESSE JACKSON PLAYS THE CLINT EASTWOOD PART, 'THE MAN WITH NO SHAME"...WITH MASSACHUSETS SENATOR, TED KENNEDY ROUNDING OUT THE CAST AS ANGEL EYES. SO WHAT HAPPENS IS, SHARPTON AND COMPANY ARE SMART. THEY SEE THE END OF THE CIVIL WAR SOON, WITH A UNION VICTORY ASSURED....THEY`RE MAKING THEIR WAY NORTH SO THEY CAN BE FIRST IN LINE FOR REPARATIONS. HOWEVER WHEN THEY IMPERSONATE CONFEDERATE OFFICERS, TO GET THROUGH THE LINES, THE TROUBLE BEGINS. THE CHARADE WORKS UNTIL ONE ALERT OFFICER BEGINS TO GET SUSPECIOUS. THEY TAKE KENNEDY INTO A SHED, AND WORK HIM OVER. THEY HAVE JACKSON AND SHARPTON SING "MY GIRL" TO COVER UP THE SOUNDS OF THE BEATING. AFTER BEING TORTURED, KENNEDY FINALLY ADMITS THAT SHARPTON AND JACKSON ARE BLACK GUYS. THE TRIO ARE SEPERATED, AND EACH GOES THROUGH HIS TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS BEFORE THEY MEET AGAIN FOR THE FINAL SHMODOWN. INCLUDINGA STARVING SHARPTON , HIDDEN JUST OUTSIDE A CLEARING WHERE THE KU KLUX KLAN IS HAVING A BARBARQUE... FORTUNATLY, THIS TIME, THE CONFEDERATE OFFICER IMPERSONATION WORKS. NOT ONLY DOES SHARPTON EAT FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT, HE`S LAUDED AND APPLAUDED AS A SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN........ANGEL EYES KENNEDY, AT THE SAME TIME WAS IN THE CORPIS GRANDE JAIL. HE HAD BECOME DRUNK, AND ABUSIVE WITH THE DANCE HALL GIRLS... THE BOUNCER GAVE HIM THE ONCE OVER, AND THE SHERIFF THREW HIM IN THE CLINK. ..HOWEVER ONE OF THE ABUSED VIXENS BAILS HIM OUT, AND THEY HAVE A STEAMY LOVE SCENE IN A STABLE, UNTIL KENNEDY MISSES HIS MARK IN THE DARK, AND GETS STUCK IN A COW.....IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW, MAKE SURE YOU LOOK AT THE SHERIFFS FACE WHEN HE FIRST SEES ANGEL EYES STUCK IN THE COW, AND THE DANCE HALL GIRL IS YELLING FOR HER FRIENDS TO COME AND CHECK IT OUT.....WOW, WHAT DRAMA. THEY JUST DONT MAKE `EM LIKE THAT ANYMORE. AS FAR AS JESSE JACKSON AS THE "MAN WITH NO SHAME" HE`S HAVING TROUBLES OF HIS OWN, TRYING TO CLAIM REPARATIONS, WHILE THE CIVIL WAR IS STILL GOING ON. PROBABLY THE MOST POWERFUL DIOLOGUE HAPPENS WHEN AN IRATE FARMER TELLS JACKSON "WHILE YOU`RE WAITING FOR MY LITTLE BOY TO GROW UP, AND PAY YOU REPARATIONS, WHY DONT YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF, LIKE GET A JOB?[please forgive me lord, for using that line] I MEAN, THE WHOLE THEATER WENT SILENT. YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP.....THAT`S DRAMA. ANYWAY THE FOOD THE BAG AND THE UGLY ALL COME TOGEATHER FOR THE FINAL SHOWDOWN. EXCEPT SHARPTON. HE`S STILL AT THE PICNIC LAPPING UP THE FOOD, AND ACCOLADES. ALSO ANGEL EYES KENNEDY ISN`T THERE EITHER. HE`S BECOME THE TOAST OF CORPIS GRANDE. EVERYBODY WANTS TO BUY HIM A DRINK, AND SHARE A LAUGH....JACKSON DOSN`T SHOW UP AT THE END EITHER. HE`S BEEN MAKING A LUCRATIVE BUSINESS HANGING AROUND OUTSIDE SALOONS WITH " HEY BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE A REPERATION?".......I CAN`T TELL YOU THE ENDING, OR IT WILL SPOIL THE SURPRISE...............american kamikaze.....[where else?]@@@@@@@@@@@@@

BARON KAMIKAZE VON MUNCHAUSEN ........[adventure 1520].... THERE I WAS, RIDING IN MY CAMPER, WAY UP IN A REMOTE MOUNTANIOUS AREA [i cant remember the state, but it was out west, and had alot of mountains, and trees, and stuff, if that helps at all]........SO ANYWAY, AFTER I HAD BEEN DRIVING FOR OVER THREE HOURS, WITHOUT EVEN SEEING ANOTHER CAR, I DECIDED TO SEEK SOME SOLITUDE, AND I TURNED DOWN THIS VERY NORROW BACKROAD.... THE ROAD WAS SO NARROW THAT I REALIZED I WOULDN`T BE ABLE TO TURN MY CAMPER AROUND....SO I FIGURED I WOULD GO UP THE ROAD A WAYS, SPEND THE NIGHT, BOND WITH NATURE, THEN BACK OUT IN THE MORNING.......SO EVERYTHING WAS NICE....AND I SLEPT SOUNDLY............BUT EARLY THE NEXT MORNING, I`M WOKEN, BY THE AWFUL NOISE OF MOTORCYCLES, AND VOICES JUST OUTSIDE MY CAMPER........SO I GET UP AND POKE MY HEAD OUT THE DOOR...........IT`S A BUNCH OF HELLS ANGELS TYPE CHARACTERS, ON MOTORCYCLES, MAKING ALOT OF RACKET.......NOT ONLY THAT BUT THEY`RE THE UGLIEST, NASTYIST, AND SMELLEYIST LOOKING BUNCH I`VE EVER SEEN.......INCLUDING THE ANGELETTES, THERE WERE ABOUT FIFTY OF THEM......MANY OF THEM HAD SWASTIKAS, AND NAZI STUFF, AND SKULLS AND CROSSBONES, AND SUCH........ANYWAY TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, THE STORY WAS THAT THE MOST BELOVED MEMBER OF THE GANG, THE FOUNDING MEMBER, HAD DIED RECENTLY, AND THEY HAD HIS CASKET IN A PICKUP TRUCK, AND THEY WERE TAKING HIM TO BE BURIED......BUT ONLY ONE VEHICLE CAN OCCUPY THIS NARROW ROAD, AT A TIME....AND ALL AROUND, OFF THE ROAD WAS BUMPY, WET, SWAMPLIKE AREA........SO THE SITUATION IS, THAT THEY WANT ME TO BACK OUT OF THE NARROW ROAD, SO THEY CAN GO TO THE CHURCH SERVICE, AND BURIAL................NOW I`M AS RESPECTING, AND CONSIDERATE, AND SENSITIVE AS THE NEXT GUY, BUT I GOT A PROBLEM HERE...........YOU SEE. I CONSIDER 10 HOURS OF SLEEP TO BE MY NORMAL SITUATION......ANY SLEEP I GET PAST THAT, I CONSIDER MY BEAUTY REST.......NOW THESE PEOPLE ARE ANNOYING ME DURING MY BEAUTY REST.......SO EVEN THOUGH I FELT A LITTLE GUILTY, I FINALLY TOLD THEM, I CAN`T HELP YOU OUT.......SO ANYWAY, AS THEY`RE TRYING TO NAVIGATE THE PICKUP TRUCK AROUND ME, AND OVER THE BUMPY SWAMPY AREA, THE TRUCK HITS A BIG BUMP, AND THE COFFIN BOUNCES OFF THE TRUCK, POPS OPEN, AND THE STIFF TUMBLES OUT, INTO ABOUT TWO FEET OF MUD..............NOW, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A POSITION, A SITUATION, WHEN YOU DIDN`T WANT TO LAUGH, BUT YOU JUST COULDN`T HELP IT?........I TRIED TO HOLD IT IN, BUT I COULDN`T...IT WAS HYSTERICAL.......I MEAN, PICTURE THIS. THE STIFF WAS FLOATING DOWN THIS VALLEY OF MUD, AND THESE HELLS ANGELS CHARACTERS, ARE SLIPPING, AND FALLING ALL OVER THE PLACE, TRYING TO GET THE BODY BACK IN THE CASKET, THEN THE CASKET BACK ON THE TRUCK.....IT WAS A RIOT.........I KNOW IT`S TERRIBLE, BUT THATS THE MOST I EVER LAUGHED............SO ANYWAY AFTER AWHILE I WENT BACK INTO MY CAMPER, AND MADE SOME COFFEE...... NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK?? THEY`RE KNOCKING ON MY DOOR. THEY WANT A TOWEL, TO CLEAN UP THE STIFF , FOR THE SERVICE......NOW I`M REALLY STARTING TO GET ANNOYED. I`M HERE TO RELAX, A LITTLE, YOU KNOW??...I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, BOTHER ME ALL DAY LONG??? COME ON ALREADY... FINALLY, I JUST DIDN`T PAY ATTENTION TO THEM ANYMORE.........YOU KNOW??? I DON`T LIKE TO BE THAT WAY, BUT COME ONE NOW...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.............WHAT DO YOU THINK, I`M MADE OF PATIENCE???.........................[be sure to tune in for baron kamikaze von munchausen adventure 2048. " on mars"].

AMERICAN KAMIKAZE THE AK 47 OF FREE SPEECH